I am an atheist. Just to get that out of the way. I'm a practical man, and I don't believe it's rational to believe in an immortal being that created the universe. My trust thus far has been in science and it's ability to explain everything through careful observation, experimentation, and peer review. Still, though, it's a thoroughly unromantic idea.
Despite my skepticism, I've always had an admittedly irrational desire to believe in something. I don't exactly know why, but I find the concept of fate or destiny to be appealing. I know that this desire to believe in something is part of a psychology that humans have evolved for whatever reason to procreate, create a community, and understand the world. Just because millions of humans believe in a god does not assure the existence of such a being.
Yet somehow, I find myself still tempted to believe in something. The romantic in me wants that something to be destiny. I know determinism is a relatively scientifically sound concept and that given enough detail, everything can be explained by physics, biology, and neuro-chemical reactions. It's the second leap I find difficult in the belief in fate. What could possibly be the reason for which everything happens? If not guided by faith in a god, by what might my fate be determined? Love?
I have grown to believe that love is a biological by-product of evolution. It's a real feeling, sure, but not one that really means anything. Based on evidence, just because you love someone, it doesn't necessarily follow that they have to love you back or that any of it has a purpose besides making us feel fuzzy and warm (or cold and heart-broken). Your love is not special and the universe doesn't care.
Or does it?
Perhaps it's a combination of my life experiences and the situation I find myself in, but after turning 26 I decided to take the year to give in to fate. It could be my biological clock trying harder to find me a suitable mate. It could be that being single long enough causes anyone to desire love. It could be that our society is blasted with the idea that romance is important and that being in love should be what everyone strives for. I'm not just talking about romantic love, though, I'm using the term as an all-encompassing compassionate feeling towards anyone and everyone. The two greatest motivators in life are love and greatness. Even then, the desire for greatness is essentially a desire to be loved by others. Everyone wants to love and be loved. I don't know if love is important to the universe, but I know it's important to us.
I do know that love for fellow humans is a good thing and it helps the global and local community. I know that love for a woman will eventually lead me to get married and have children and perhaps feel fulfilled and comforted at the end of my life. Love does not necessarily have an ethereal purpose, but it seems like the only thing that could actually end up behind destiny. I don't know yet. That's what this journey is about.
I don't feel the need to explain it. I may not be able to.
For the next year, I have decided to look for these signs that everyone talks about. I'm going to try and keep my eyes open to see the signs and my mind open to follow them.
Steve Jobs, in his 2005 Stanford commencement address, said:
"You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.
So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in
something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will
connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads
you off the well worn path; and that will make all the difference.”
Maybe I just need to do this to find confidence to follow my heart. Maybe it will lead to exactly nothing. Maybe just the sheer act of believing in a destiny will allow me to do great things. Maybe it will lead to disaster and heartbreak. We'll see, I guess.
The point of this blog is for me to try and keep a journal of this experience. As Steve Jobs said, you can only connect the dots looking backwards. I hope this blog will help keep track of the signs and help in connecting the dots.
This morning I watched the sunrise. Everyone is right, it's beautiful. Maybe it's just Earth rotating on its axis as it orbits a star in the middle of an endless empty universe. Maybe it's a sign. We'll see.
So this it is, universe. I'm ready. Show me your signs. Lead me where you will. For at least this next year, I will follow. I will try to keep connecting the dots.
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