Tattoo

For a couple of years now I have been planning my second tattoo. I know what I want and I know where I want it. My plan is for a line of text to wrap around my lower right arm right below elbow. The text will be one of the teaching of the ancient Greek philosopher, Epicurus, called the tetrapharmakos.

I've been waiting to make sure it's something that I definitely want on my body permanently. I still want it after several years, so I think I'll be okay. 

I have also been trying to figure out exactly what I want it to look like. Should it be in modern greek lettering? Maybe a different calligraphy style? I figured I wanted it to look as close to it would have looked written by Epicurus himself. 

The picture above wasn't actually written by him, but one of his followers years later. The look, though, is basically the same. Without having any other way to write it down in the string of words in the manner I want, I've been hand drawing the characters to try and test what I would want the typography to look like. 

Then just by accident the other day I found a website with the following downloadable font:

For whatever reason, I wasn't looking up the exact right things to find this site before but I somehow stumbled upon now. 

Coincidence? Perhaps. A sign that it's time for me to finally treat myself to the tattoo I've been wanting?  Also possible. I do owe a gift to myself for my recent birthday still yet a Christmas gift. This could be what I gift to myself. 

What do you think, universe? Are you telling me to get my second tattoo? I'll take your silence as a "yes."

Off to an Interesting Start

Before I got my full time job a couple months ago as an overnight videographer for a local TV news station, I was an intern at another. My former intern coordinator just recently left that station and after some restructuring, his position was opened up for two part-time positions.

I was talking with the communications director about returning to that station in one of those new part-time positions. It's a great gig for just a couple thousand dollars less in salary. After some back-and-forth emails, she said she would have the jobs posted by the end of this week. She mentioned that if it wasn't posted by this week it would have to wait until December.

This isn't my dream job or anything, but it was a prospect I was somewhat excited about. The idea still appeals to me, and whenever the jobs are posted, I will, of course, apply. It's not as if the position has been filled, so the prospect is not entirely gone.

This just feels like a sign. I'm not giving up on the idea, but I'm surely not getting my hopes up anymore. This might be a sign that the job isn't right for me. We'll see.

Connecting the Dots

I am an atheist. Just to get that out of the way. I'm a practical man, and I don't believe it's rational to believe in an immortal being that created the universe. My trust thus far has been in science and it's ability to explain everything through careful observation, experimentation, and peer review. Still, though, it's a thoroughly unromantic idea. 

Despite my skepticism, I've always had an admittedly irrational desire to believe in something. I don't exactly know why, but I find the concept of fate or destiny to be appealing. I know that this desire to believe in something is part of a psychology that humans have evolved for whatever reason to procreate, create a community, and understand the world. Just because millions of humans believe in a god does not assure the existence of such a being. 

Yet somehow, I find myself still tempted to believe in something. The romantic in me wants that something to be destiny. I know determinism is a relatively scientifically sound concept and that given enough detail, everything can be explained by physics, biology, and neuro-chemical reactions. It's the second leap I find difficult in the belief in fate. What could possibly be the reason for which everything happens? If not guided by faith in a god, by what might my fate be determined? Love? 

I have grown to believe that love is a biological by-product of evolution. It's a real feeling, sure, but not one that really means anything. Based on evidence, just because you love someone, it doesn't necessarily follow that they have to love you back or that any of it has a purpose besides making us feel fuzzy and warm (or cold and heart-broken). Your love is not special and the universe doesn't care. 

Or does it? 

Perhaps it's a combination of my life experiences and the situation I find myself in, but after turning 26 I decided to take the year to give in to fate. It could be my biological clock trying harder to find me a suitable mate. It could be that being single long enough causes anyone to desire love. It could be that our society is blasted with the idea that romance is important and that being in love should be what everyone strives for. I'm not just talking about romantic love, though, I'm using the term as an all-encompassing compassionate feeling towards anyone and everyone. The two greatest motivators in life are love and greatness. Even then, the desire for greatness is essentially a desire to be loved by others. Everyone wants to love and be loved. I don't know if love is important to the universe, but I know it's important to us.

I do know that love for fellow humans is a good thing and it helps the global and local community. I know that love for a woman will eventually lead me to get married and have children and perhaps feel fulfilled and comforted at the end of my life. Love does not necessarily have an ethereal purpose, but it seems like the only thing that could actually end up behind destiny. I don't know yet. That's what this journey is about. 

I don't feel the need to explain it. I may not be able to. 

For the next year, I have decided to look for these signs that everyone talks about. I'm going to try and keep my eyes open to see the signs and my mind open to follow them. 

Steve Jobs, in his 2005 Stanford commencement address, said:

             "You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. 
             So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in 
             something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will 
             connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads 
             you off the well worn path; and that will make all the difference.”

Maybe I just need to do this to find confidence to follow my heart. Maybe it will lead to exactly nothing. Maybe just the sheer act of believing in a destiny will allow me to do great things. Maybe it will lead to disaster and heartbreak. We'll see, I guess. 

The point of this blog is for me to try and keep a journal of this experience. As Steve Jobs said, you can only connect the dots looking backwards. I hope this blog will help keep track of the signs and help in connecting the dots. 

This morning I watched the sunrise. Everyone is right, it's beautiful. Maybe it's just Earth rotating on its axis as it orbits a star in the middle of an endless empty universe. Maybe it's a sign. We'll see. 

So this it is, universe. I'm ready. Show me your signs. Lead me where you will. For at least this next year, I will follow. I will try to keep connecting the dots.